Denial
by darksapphire-flame
Summary: You are a hypocrite because you say that you have nothing to do with him but at the dead of the night when you are feeling worn and tired he is still the center of your world. Chase/House
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This takes place before season 5. It's basically starts off where season 4 ended. Anyways, Enjoy the story!

Disclaimer: House doesn't belong to me.

**Denial (1/2)**

i.

The first time you visit him in the hospital is in the middle of the night when you are on a break from your shift. He is sleeping. There are no electric blue eyes looking at you mockingly and you are thankful for that. You don't want him to know that you visited him anyways. You take a seat next to his bed making sure not to wake him up. It's not surprising to find that even in his sleep his face is annoyed like he is at odds with the world. He looks broken to you and that hurts. You can't see him like this because this is House who is strong, mean, sarcastic but never helpless. Even though bullets aren't enough to hurt him, you think this thing with Wilson might just kill him.

You can't stand the silence, so you get up and leave without a second glance.

ii.

The second time you visit him is at midnight while you are on break and once again he is asleep which gives you a sudden sense of relief. You take a seat on the abandoned chair next to the bed and stare at the sleeping figure. You wonder if you are a coward for coming to visit him in the middle of the night when he is asleep, just so you don't have to face him. You are a hypocrite because you say that you have nothing to do with him but at the dead of the night when you are feeling worn and tired he is still the center of your world. He has you trapped and you have no way of getting out.

But looking at him now, you think maybe just this once you don't mind being trapped. You think you see a certain type of frailty in him now that you have never seen before. You dismiss that thought as soon as it enters your mind because House is anything but frail. But there is an image that keeps nagging you at the back of your head. It's of your mother, a couple of days before she died. She had looked so pale and sickly, and that's exactly what House looks like right now. You feel something rising up in your chest, something akin to panic and you just want to feel that he is alive. That he is there and not going to leave you.

Your head is hurting and your heart is pounding because what you are about to do next would be considered stupid by many but in a moment of insanity you hold his hand very lightly in your own trembling one. His hand is warm and something akin to relief washes over your whole body. You feel like you can breathe again.

You let go of his hand and make your way out of the silent room. The warmth of his hand lingers on you and you can't help but miss it.

You leave without looking back and are wholly unaware of a pair of blue eyes watching you intently.

iii.

This was getting ridiculous, you thought to yourself. This was the third time in one week that you had come to visit House during your night shift, just so you wouldn't have to see him when he was awake. You wandered when you had started running away from House. In beginning you had always been the first one defend him even when his actions were completely ludicrous but now just being around him made you weary and exhausted.

Maybe you weren't running from him at all. Maybe what you were running from was the feelings that he stirred within you and that scared you more than anything. Feeling anything for House was dangerous and was bound to lead to you getting hurt. You had realized this the moment he told you guys that he lied about having cancer. When you thought that he was going die, it had felt like a slap to your face and there was a pain in your chest that refused to go away. You had cried, you had fucking cried for him. Even when your father had died you hadn't shed a single tear. You had felt numb, you had jeopardized a patient's life but you hadn't cried.

You don't know what you would have done if House did have cancer because no matter how much you hated to admit it House did mean a lot to you, regardless of what people thought.

"You bastard, I'm actually starting to miss you terrorizing everyone." You said breaking the silence, careful to keep your voice low so that House wouldn't wake up. A bitter laugh escaped your lips because really you never thought you would actually miss the bastard who loved making your life a living hell.

Someone cleared their throat in the room and you abruptly looked up to meet the eyes of none other than the dean of medicine, Dr. Cuddy. She stood in the doorway looking at you questioningly as if asking what you were doing here in the middle of the night. You could have asked her the same question but you already knew the answer. You quickly got off the chair and made your way towards the door.

"I was never here." You said softly to her hoping she wouldn't tell House about your midnight visit.

"Why are you running away from him?" Her question caught you off guard. Your eyes met hers and you carefully schooled your expression hiding any trace of emotion that might have given you away.

You left without answering the question because there was nothing you could have told her anyways.

iv.

You had seen Wilson today.

He had come to the hospital to pick up a few things and you weren't surprised to see that the usual twinkle from him eyes was diminished. You have had your fair share of deaths so feelings of hurt and loss weren't new to you. Although what did surprise you was the fact that Wilson hadn't come to visit House at all. It was almost as if he blamed Amber's death on House, which you completely disagreed with. You could see though as to why Wilson would need a break from House.

"Her death….It wasn't your fault," You don't know why you said it or maybe you do know and you just don't want to acknowledge it.

It's because Wilson wouldn't say those words to House. You know how much Wilson means to him regardless of how he might act. The only time you have ever seen him truly defenceless is around Wilson. That says a lot about their relationship which is another tangled mess of complications just like any other part of House's life. House himself is simply a complicated person and you don't think you will ever figure him out.

Some puzzles just aren't meant to be solved.

You cover House's still hand with your own and this time there is no panic, no embarrassment, which surprises you a little. You hope that you can provide some kind of comfort to the sleeping man with your words even though he hadn't heard them. You know you can never compare to Wilson and you accept that because you have never wanted to be House's Wilson anyways.

All you have ever wanted is to be his Chase.

A/N: So what do you guys think? Tell me by clicking the magic blue button XD


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Sorry, it took so long. The thing is that I recently discovered queer as folk, which is an amazing show with lots of prettiness, so I was distracted by that. I watched the first four seasons like in three weeks, although I still can't bring myself to watch season five :( . Okay, I'll stop rambing now. Loads of thanks to all those people who actually waited for this story to get updated. Hope you guys enjoy it._

**Disclaimer: House doesn't belong to me.**

**Denial: Part 2/2**

_I just can't go on_

_Pretending nothing is wrong _

_When too many words have been said _

_Than something got to change_

_I wish this fever fades _

100000 years – Jay-Jay Johanson

v.

So there is this thing.

You are surprised that it took this long for you to realize it and you almost wish that you hadn't. It would have been better to stay in denial for the rest of your life than to admit the truth.

You are impossibly in love with House.

What you feel for him isn't the stuff made in fairytales. There are no happily ever afters and you don't have the sudden urge to fucking dance just because you are in love. Instead you feel a mixture of longing and hate and something else you can't identify. And it fucking hurts, just like it's supposed to because being in love isn't all about sunshine, puppies and rainbows.

That is why you need to stop visiting House in the middle of the night with the misguided sense of belief that somehow you are helping him because frankly you are not. Besides, Wilson had come to visit House yesterday, if the hospital grapevine was to be believed. So there was no reason for you to be here anymore aside from indulging yourself. This was only going to hurt you, make it harder for you to let go of House and to carefully detach him from your life. You weren't willing to put yourself back in the position of being House's lapdog once again. Three years of doing that was more than enough and you were sick of getting hurt willingly.

You look at the clock hanging in House's private room and once again it's midnight, which means you have around half an hour before you have to go back to work. That's more than enough time to visit House and say good-bye. This is your last visit to House before you completely remove him from your life. God, that sounds so cold but there is no other way. Abstinence is the key or in your case getting the fuck away from House is the key to a healthy, sane and pain-free life.

So you get up from your chair that's situated next to House's bed and watch him carefully. Your heart is beating furiously as you hover over House, hoping what you are about to do next doesn't wake him up. You lean closer and press your lips gently against his. Its nothing but a fleeting touch yet your lips still tingle from the contact as you leave the room.

Somehow this wasn't the goodbye you had imagined.

vi.

You are in the middle of the surgery when it happens. It's been a month since you stopped visiting House and he was released. Surprisingly House hasn't bothered you the whole time since he got back actually that was a total lie. You have been ignoring the man ever since got released from the hospital. You did miss him a little even though you hate to admit it. You shake your head a little to banish thoughts of the blue-eyed man and focus on the surgery. You can't help but feel as though someone is watching you intently and the hair on the back of your neck rises a little. You look up to glance at the glass room above and your eyes widen slightly in shock at the person who is staring back at you.

It's House watching you with such intensity that it scares you a little. He continues to stare at you incomprehensibly even when your gaze meets his. In the end it's you that breaks the eye contact. You turn away and focus on the work at hand. When you look again he is gone.

After the surgery is over you go to the locker room to change. You open your locker and pull out a change of clothes. You pull the scrub top over your head and put it in your locker but not before folding it. You are about take off your draw-string pants when you hear the sounds of a pair of footsteps behind you and the telltale sounds of a cane. There was no mistaking as to who it was. So the wolf had finally come out to play and you had a sick feeling in your gut that you were the little red riding hood. Well, it was now or never.

"What do you want House?" you questioned, turning around to face him. You could see his eyes linger on your naked torso appreciatively and all the blood rushed to your cheeks in embarrassment. You really wish you hadn't taken off your shirt. You slid to sit on one of the locker room benches and crossed your arms in front of your chest. The way he was looking at you made you uncomfortable.

"Chase, I'm hurt. Why would you think that I would want something? Maybe I just wanted to say hello to my employee." House mocked.

"Former employee." You corrected in a tight voice and than continued." And cut the bullshit House, you always want something otherwise you wouldn't be here."

"So what have you been up to lately?" House acquired casually.

"What?" You exclaimed surprised. Was House high on something other than Vicodin? Knowing him he probably was because that was the only explanation for his odd behaviour.

House continued on as if you hadn't spoken at all.

"So have you visited your crippled former boss in the hospital this past month or are you into stealing kisses now? Or maybe you have been doing a little of both?"

Your blood ran cold as House uttered those words mockingly. How could you have been so stupid as to think that House wouldn't find out about your midnight visits. Maybe Cuddy had tipped him off but she didn't seem like the type to do something like that and it still wouldn't explain how House found out about the kiss. Regardless of how he found out, you were still screwed.

"I don't have time for this. You should leave, House." You spoke tensely, avoiding his electric blue eyes that bore into you knowingly.

He comes closer to you and leans down ever so slightly towards you till his face is only a few inches away from yours. You turn your face away from him but he grips your jaw and forces you to look at him. He releases his hold on you and looks deep into your eyes. He has you transfixed and you simply can't move or look away from his hypnotic gaze. Your lips are parted slightly and House grazes the pad of his thumb against your bottom lip. You suck in a shaky breath and he pulls his thumb away from your full lips. Instead he leans closer towards your ear till you can feel his hot breath which sends shivers down your spine and says roughly.

"You always were such a coward, Chase."

With that he leaves you.

vii.

You are angry. No in fact you are furious which is probably why you are marching down towards

House 's office. How dare he call you a coward when he was the one who fired you without a proper explanation and expected you to be satisfied with that. You were not going to let the bastard play around with you anymore.

You storm into House's office slamming the door behind you. House looks at you curiously not the least bit intimidated although if not a little surprised to see you there.

"So what do I owe the pleasure? Cameron not putting out more anymore, so now you have to seek crippled old men? Is there something I should know Chase?" House spoke mockingly, as he continued to twirl around his cane in one hand.

"Fuck you, House. You have no right to call me a coward." You snapped. Only House could make you feel so frustrated and angry. He had this way of getting under your skin that literally made you want to hurt someone, preferably House himself.

"So you are telling me that you aren't a scared little wombat who runs away every time he sees me?" House questioned, eyes narrowed in scrutiny.

"No, House. What I'm telling you is that you are a goddamn hypocrite and that you are the last person who should be calling me a coward." You retorted. Maybe you were a coward for running away from House but what he had done was so much worse. The moment you got just a little closer to him, he pushed you away because that's what House does. He pushes people away till they give up and stop trying to get close to him. So why did it bother him that you were ignoring him when he had succeeded in his goal?

"Really and how do you figure that?" House questioned in that patronizing way of his.

"I can't believe you are seriously asking me that. House, you pushed me away the moment I stood up to you. You fired me without a proper reason or explanation. You gave me nothing House and you expected me to be okay with that. The moment someone comes even in the range of being possibly close to you, you screw them over. You can't stand the thought of getting hurt by someone else, so what do you do you hurt them first. You are nothing but a fucking coward." You spoke desperately, your voice filled with hurt and bitterness, your accent thickening. It seemed as if the anger had left and all that was left in its place was bottled up bitterness and sadness.

House didn't say anything. There was no mocking, no jokes, just silence.

"Look, House, I don't know what you want from me. I'm pretty sure it was your intention for me to stay away from you when you fired me and that's exactly what I'm doing. I'm staying away from you so I really don't understand why you care if I'm ignoring you or not." You said, sighing in resignation.

"Why did you kiss me that night?" House asked his voice soft.

"You didn't answer my question." You deflected, trying to avoid answering House's question.

"You didn't answer mine." House answered right back.

"Why did you kiss me?" House repeated forcefully.

"It's none of your business." You mumbled, knowing your feeble attempt at trying to keep from House from prying was going to fail.

"I make it my business when you kiss me, so I'm going to ask you again. Why did you kiss me Chase?"

"Don't make me say it, House." You pleaded, closing your eyes. Why the hell had you come here? Did you really think House would back down? You must have been really out of your mind when you had decided to confront House. Damn it, this was why you were so fucking passive-aggressive because being direct never really worked out well for you.

"Say it, Chase." House commanded firmly, his voice hoarse.

"Because...."

"Because..."

"I'm impossibly in love with you."

As soon as those words stumbled out of your mouth, you ran out House's office without bothering to look at his expression.

You don't think you have ever run so fast in your life.

viii.

Knock. Knock. Knock

You wake up to the sound of heavy knocking on your door that refuses to stop. You fumble in the dark for your cell phone, to see what time it was. You flip it open only to groan in annoyance, it was 2 a.m. Who the hell was visiting you at 2 a. m in the fucking morning? You stumble out of your warm and cozy bed and make your way towards the door.

"I'm coming." You yelled out, willing the person to stop banging so loudly on the door. You unlocked the door and opened the door only to come face to face with the last person you wanted to see at the moment.

It was none other than the devil himself also known as House.

"House, it's 2 am in the fucking morning. Couldn't this have waited until tomorrow?" You grumbled out in annoyance. You so did not need this right now. The humiliation of confessing to your former boss was overwhelming enough and you really did not need House to humiliate you any further. You had already managed to get that done all by yourself.

"We need to talk." House spoke briskly, as he walked past you and into your apartment.

"Go right ahead and invite yourself in." You muttered to yourself, as you closed the door behind. You turned around to face House.

"House, if you have come here to humiliate me, can you at least make it quick, I have an early morning shift and I really need to sleep." You said casually with no hint of discomfort in your voice. Although inside you were freaking out, it was a miracle you hadn't bolted out of the room yet.

"You left without hearing my reply." House commented.

"House, what did you expect me to do? Wait around for you to reject me and humiliate me some more?" You snapped exasperatedly.

"I wouldn't have rejected you." He said softly, truthfully with no hint of sarcasm in voice, all the while looking at you with unguarded blue eyes.

"What?" You asked in confusion, somehow you couldn't wrap your mind around what House had said.

"I said I wouldn't have rejected you."

"House, I don't understand what you are saying." You asked again. Surely, House couldn't mean what you thought he meant. No, that would be impossible. Cameron had a better chance of getting her feelings for House reciprocated than you. You crushed the faint glimmer of hope that had risen at House's words. No, this was definitely hoping for too much.

"Fuck, Chase, stop making this so hard." House muttered in frustration. You looked silently at House waiting for an explanation as to what he meant.

"Chase, I want you but I don't know what the hell you expect from me. I'm not someone who is going to take you out on dates nor am I ever going to bring you pretty little flowers. I'm nothing more than a bitter cynical man damaged beyond repair and that's not going to change, ever." House spoke honestly as you stared at him in shock. He had said he wanted you. House actually wanted you.

"House, I'm not Cameron. I don't want to fix you and I don't need flowers and dates to make me happy. Just being with you is enough even if you are an asshole most of the times." And that was the truth.

"So what you are saying is that even though I'm a complete and utter bastard, you still want to be with me." House said, smirking slightly seemingly more relaxed now.

"Basically, yeah." You were aware that House hadn't actually said he loved you but the fact that he said he wanted you so blatantly was more than enough for you at moment. That was a big enough step for him and you were content with that.

"Wow, you must be a total masochist." House smirked fully now, moving closer to you till he was only a few inches apart.

"And you are a narcissist, so I guess we are even." You sniped back. You put your hand on House's neck and pulled him down till your lips met his in a kiss. The kiss was rough and demanding, so unlike the chaste one you had given to House in the hospital bed. House's cane hit the ground with a loud thud as he pushed you against the door, one of his hands finding their way under you flimsy t-shirt, the other hand running through your blond hair. House pulled away breaking the kiss and stared down at your blushing face.

"What?" You whispered breathily, looking up at him through lowered lashes; unnerved with the way he was staring at you.

"You really do have the most prettiest hair I have ever seen." He murmured fingering your soft hair, his eyes clouded with desire. You blushed slightly at the way he said that but all thoughts left your mind as he leaned back down to kiss you again, his tongue demanding entrance to your mouth. You happily obliged because fuck, when have you ever had been able to deny anything to this man? Never.

You smiled slightly against his mouth because for once you were completely happy.

Life couldn't get any better than this.

~~Fin~~

A/N: Yay! I finally finished it. Well, hopefully you guys enjoyed it and that the ending wasn't disappointing. Tell me what you guys think by clicking the pretty little blue button!


End file.
